20 June 2021 – Today would have been my 29th wedding anniversary. Instead, it is the 4th anniversary of Dave’s memorial service. I wasn’t even going to talk about this today, but something happened that changed my mind. I spent the last two days driving from Virginia to Colorado. While driving I alternated between listening to a book, podcasts and the radio. While listening to the radio, I kept hearing the song, “After All” by Peter Cetera and Cher, the love theme from the movie “Chances Are”. I heard it at least four times. For those of you who don’t know, that was the song from our wedding. We chose the song because it was as if it was written about our relationship. Today when I heard the song for the fourth time I realized I had a story to tell. It is a story of warning with a moral.

The story. Dave and I met in 1987 when I was fifteen. We dated for three months until I did something he thought made him look stupid. Dave broke up with me and then basically treated me terrible for the next four years. He had a saying, “Treat them like dirt and they stick like mud.” Dave became the ultimate scumbag. He would be nice to me every once in a while by showing up at my house to say hi and sticking around to hang out. We’d have a nice time and I would think everything was good between us, but then I would call him and he would be a jerk. If we saw each other at school or in public he would be a jerk. He always had to be the cool guy in front of others. I always assumed he liked me but he didn’t want his friends to know. I didn’t know if he was embarrassed by me or what but I kept thinking things would get better so I kept giving him another chance.

In January 1991 he was in the Air Force and was home on leave. I went to see him because war was breaking out in the Middle East and I didn’t know what was going to happen. I wanted to see him in case I never saw him again. Well, that night he finally explained his behavior over the last four years and admitted that he had always loved me but didn’t know how to handle it. So, I gave him another chance to be the guy I thought he could be. This time he came through and the rest was history. Seven months later we were engaged and ten months after that we were married. We were married for three days short of 25 years when he died. After all we’d been through to get there, it was taken away.

"After All" Lyrics
Well, here we are again
I guess it must be fate
We've tried it on our own
But deep inside we've known
We'd be back to set things straight
I still remember when your kiss was so brand new
Every memory repeats
Every step I take retreats
Every journey always brings me back to you
When love is truly right 
(This time it's truly right)
It lives from year to year
It changes as it goes
Oh, and on the way it grows
But it never disappears
Always just beyond my touch
You know I needed you so much
After all, what else is livin' for?
After all the stops and starts
We keep comin' back to these two hearts
Two angels who've been rescued from the fall
After all that we've been through
It all comes down to me and you
I guess it's meant to be, forever you and me, 
After all

Dave and I could have had four more years together but because he and I could not communicate efficiently, we wasted those four years. It took us that long to get on the same page. Once we knew we wanted to be together, we decided not to wait any longer. We wanted our forever as soon as possible. Then, our forever was cut short by about 45 years. So much wasted time followed by lost time.

The moral. Don’t waste your time. You can’t plan for forever, you have to make the most of the time you have. Today is the day. Don’t waste even one more day. If it brings you joy, do it. If someone makes you happy, let them know. If you want something, go for it. Love like tomorrow may not come. Live like you were dying. After all, forever is shorter than you think.