25 July 2021 – Searching for myself has been complicated. I’ve been discovering what I enjoy and what isn’t worth my energy, what I want and what I need. I have learned many things, and now I have many more questions. The greatest discovery I have made is that I will always be searching because everything I experience changes the questions. I am so appreciative of everyone in my life who is patient with my inadequacies and my frustrations.

What have I learned so far?

When you travel alone, you have complete freedom to do whatever you want whenever you want. That really is nice, especially after a lifetime of always doing things based on what others want or need. I can eat what I want, I can sleep in the whole bed, and I can go anywhere at a moment’s notice because I do not depend on anyone else. Sounds great, right?

My searching has shown me that despite the freedom, I don’t really like traveling by myself. Every time I see something amazing, I want to share it, but there is no one there to share it with. My photographs don’t show the details that I find most exciting. My words in my journal and my blog don’t share the same verve that I feel when I am experiencing something. It’s even sadder for me to know that I will have all of these memories in my head that I share with no one else.

As I traveled back to Virginia over the past two days, I’ve been so emotional. The last five weeks have been so amazing and eye-opening. There have been so many beautiful experiences in such a short time. That alone could make me emotional. But, the self-discovery and the journal entries have truly opened my mind and my heart in a way that I hoped for but didn’t actually expect. Each day brought more revelations, more self-awareness, and hope for tomorrow and the next day and all of the days to come.

I have realized two main things. First, I will no longer settle for what comes and just be okay with it. Instead, I am going to find and do the the things that bring me happiness. Whatever it is. Second, I am going to be brave. Anything worth doing or worth having is worth the courage. It might be that one thing I am most afraid of doing or most afraid of saying that makes the difference.