23 July 2021 – If you could see yourself as I see you, you would know just how uniquely wonderful you really are. It sounds cliche, but sometimes these are the perfect words for what you are trying to express. Each of us is designed perfectly, but only a few people will ever see our true beauty and worth. Although we should not rely on other people for our confidence and self-worth, we should listen when others talk to us. Whether someone is criticizing or complimenting us, we should listen. Criticism is the only way we will stop and look at ourselves and determine if the criticism is constructive or just mean. We can all improve. We just need kind criticism.

We will internalize the criticism no matter how it is given to us because we are gluttons for punishment. Even if unwarranted, we begin to believe any criticism that is thrown our way. We may even alter our behavior if we think changing will make the critic like us more. Moreover, most of us will alter our behavior if the criticism is given to us with love because we want to be better people. We must always be careful not to internalize unfounded criticism and angry comments. Hateful and critical comments from significant people in our lives can bring us down. We can give these things more significance than we should. As we grow and change we outgrow the person we were and the mistakes we made.

Why then, do we not listen when people tell us the good things. I am guilty of this myself. As I write this blog post, I am writing as much for me as for anyone who reads it. As I write this blog post, I am writing as much for me as for anyone who reads it. My image of myself has become so embedded in who I am that I have a tough time thinking anyone could possibly think anything different from the reality I already have established in my brain. This is your message to listen to praise and compliments from others. People who care about you don’t see you through the same distorted lens that you do. They are able to see you as you really are, the good and the bad, but they focus on the amazing things.

I have a friend who is unable to take compliments. He doesn’t believe he can possibly be the person others think he is. He defines himself based on what significant people in his life have led him to believe he is rather than who he really is. When others try to tell him how much more he is he can’t accept it. I wish he could see himself as I see him. He is great at deflection and self-deprecating humor when anyone gives him a compliment. It’s so sad that he doesn’t know how wonderful he really is. I will continue to remind him of what makes him special. Maybe one day he will believe me.

We all do this to ourselves. We internalize the negative and ignore the positive. I do it myself but I am trying harder to see my good qualities too. Each day I try to think of something positive about myself that made a difference in someone’s day. If I can’t think of anything, I make it a point to try harder tomorrow. I am also trying to let go of the negative thoughts about myself that I carry with me every day. I have a tendency to make myself small, to stay out of the spotlight, and to hide as much as possible. I am trying to put myself in more situations where I am forced to talk to others. It’s one of the most difficult things I have ever done. It is so much easier to believe the negative than the positive.

My prayer for you, my friend, is that you see yourself as I see you.