7 April 2021 – Today, I sat on the beach across from Patrick AFB – very close to where Dave asked me to marry him almost 30 years ago (8/8/1991). I was here because there was much that needed to go out with the waves. After we got married, we lived here for a little over a year. Dave was an A1C in the Air Force, and I was in college full-time at Florida Tech. We lived in base housing within walking distance from the beach, we had a nice screened-in back porch, and we were living in Florida. It was a good deal. It was a calm, pleasant time even though we had no money, and Dave was deployed twice.

We shared a Ford Ranger that he had when we got married, so I would drop him off in the morning and pick him up in the afternoon. We ate the same seven meals almost every week: Mac and Cheese with hotdogs and peas, Pork Chops with mashed potatoes and green beans, Chicken thighs with rice and broccoli, spaghetti, grilled cheese and soup, leftovers, and on Friday, we’d have BMTs from Subway. We’d get Subway and three movies from our local video store where they were 3 for $5 for the whole weekend. Less than two months after we got married, Hurricane Andrew hit Homestead AFB in South Florida. Dave and his unit were deployed immediately and were there for a few weeks helping to clean up debris and salvage as much as possible. A few months later, Dave deployed to Egypt to support a humanitarian effort by the U.S. government in combating poverty and unrest in Somalia. Despite these things, our time in Florida was fantastic.

As I drove down here, my anxiety tried to get the better of me. My heart rate went up, I started sweating, and I thought I might stress myself out. On top of that, the universe was working against me. All of my “Dave songs” came on the radio – “Beth,” “Stairway to Heaven,” “Take It Easy,” and “After All,” which was sung at our wedding. How did Sirius XM know what was going on in my life today? I took the music with me out with the waves.

As I drove over the causeway, I thought of Dave’s boat that he sold to buy my engagement ring. When I got to Ron Jon, I had to stop and see if they had any blue sweatpants with the Ron Jon shark like the ones I sent to Dave when he was in Egypt. He wore them for the next twenty years until they were just too worn out, and the holes could not be fixed and they had to go out with the waves. (No luck finding any today.) As I continued down A1A, I was surprised how much had changed and how much had stayed the same. Many of the same spots were still there 30 years later, and they still looked the same.

I stopped at the Temporary Lodging Facilities (military hotel) right on the beach where Dave and I stayed when I came down during my spring break in March before we got married. I came down to visit and attend new student orientation at Florida Tech. The buildings looked the same. I headed down the road to our old neighborhood. I already knew the house was no longer there, but I drove by just the same.

Finally, I went and sat on the beach where Dave asked me to marry him. All of the stress and sadness left my body as soon as I stepped on the sand. I sat quietly, thinking of nothing, listening to the breeze, and feeling so much peace. I am not sure why I had been so anxious on the drive. I feel like I brought my broken heart to this spot to let it heal. I didn’t know how much I needed to let the sorrow go. I am 100% sure that there will be sad days in the future, but I am also 100% sure that the darkness I was carrying went out with the waves.