16 May 2021 – We all hold space during our lives. We save seats for friends and family at events. We hold a spot for our significant other on the couch next to us. At a restaurant for dinner with a group of friends, we might hold the seat next to us for our best friend. We even hold space in our hearts for those we love, even when they are no longer in our lives. In the last year, I have learned there is a significant space that I hold for the very special. I recently heard the phrase “hold space,” and I stole it to describe what I have always referred to as meeting someone where they are. I am unsure of the actual meaning of the phrase, but this is what I mean.

I hold space for walking alongside a friend in whatever journey they are on, wherever they have been and wherever they are going without judging them. Although I may be in situations where I don’t understand why someone is in a certain place, I know it doesn’t matter. The only important thing is that I support them. My job is sitting with what is and simply being with the person for whom I am holding space. My job is not to try to change anything and to resist the urge to do anything. I just need to be. It’s not mine to understand.

This space I hold is a place for them to never feel inadequate. I will never try to fix them or impact the decisions they make. I am just holding this space with an open heart and open mind. It’s a space where a friend can find my unconditional support with no judgment and no attempt to sway their decisions or control them. I hold space especially to practice empathy and compassion for people I care about. I want them to understand and believe that I truly accept their truth, no matter what it might be.

It is difficult to be vulnerable and honest with someone, so I must work hard to make sure that I explicitly express that I believe them and what they are feeling is valid. By reminding someone that I trust them they will hopefully feel love and compassion. Essentially, I try to create a safe space for the other person to express their feelings and work through the hard stuff. It is hard for others to trust that I truly have unconditional positive regard for them and who they are. Emotions can be complicated and can be confusing or even conflicting, but by encouraging them to feel how they do, I can reassure them that I will always be here, no matter what comes up.