20 August 2021 – The past few weeks have been full of emotions. Most have seemed overwhelming, some have made me sad, but mostly they have just given me continuous low-grade anxiety. How can I stop and take care of myself with the train going off the rails? Why can’t life just be calm and peaceful for a while or even a moment? These emotions weren’t bringing me down. I didn’t understand what so many things were happening and how I could just keep going. Fortunately, I have learned a few techniques for dealing with situations out of my control, so overall, my life was peachy.

In the grand scheme of things, my life is usually pretty great compared to people I know I know. I may live a very lonely existence, but I have great friends. I may have some “health” issues, but they are not life-threatening or even that life-altering. I have no real traumas or dramas in my daily life. I do what I want whenever and wherever I want. I have no financial or relationship issues. I have no one depending on me and no one that needs me. I am living life fat, dumb and happy.

Since I love analogies, parables, proverbs, quotes and song lyrics as literary devices, I will use analogy today, cumulus clouds. Imagine every problem, issue, difficulty, sadness, negative thing in your life is a cumulus cloud. Most cumulus clouds are isolated and don’t really affect our lives at all. Some cumulus clouds will turn gray all alone and create an isolated rainstorm. Others join together and create a larger storm. Too many cumulus clouds, and you get a mighty thunderstorm.

I have things that create clouds in my life. I can often handle a big, dark storm and blow it away effectively using my new techniques, even if it’s slowly. It’s the cumulus clouds that come around that cause the real issues. These are those beautiful white clouds on a beautifully sunny day. We don’t even notice they are there because everything is bright and beautiful until they become a storm we didn’t anticipate. My problem is that I don’t notice the cumulus clouds until they have become a rainstorm. As much as I love the rain, emotional rain is terrible. But, I tend to miss the part when they are coming together and creating a gray cloud that has started blocking out the sun.

I didn’t know it, but that’s exactly what all of these emotions had done over the past few weeks. They had been slowly building up and coming together. They were surely getting ready to create a real storm if I didn’t handle them. Unfortunately, I didn’t notice these clouds or the coming darkness. I was just going about my life fat, dumb and happy. Until, I had lunch with a kind, honest, empathetic, nonjudgmental friend that I adore very much. Just seeing my friend caused the emotional rain to stop, and after a smile and a hello, the gray clouds melted away. That was when I realized the storm that was following me around and was now dissipating.

My techniques failed me, sort of. I was easily tacking the big storms, but I wasn’t letting go of the clouds. It is easy to know when certain issues are out of our control, but we are convinced we can fix the little issues. I have learned that you can’t fix hatred, malice, or stupid, and you cannot control another person’s emotions. Therefore, like death and disease, you can’t control them, so you must let them go. Even if, like me, you need to cry about it. This technique has been masterful at helping me handle my dark clouds. Unfortunately, I haven’t mastered letting go of those things that seem small enough to handle myself, and these are what build up and cloud my days.

So, how did seeing my friend change everything? It wasn’t great advice, though; I got much. It wasn’t the laughter or witty conversation, though. It was prevalent. It wasn’t anything said or done. It was the friend’s presence. I was reminded that I don’t live this life on my own. I may often be alone and feel alone, but I am not. I was able to let go of those clouds because I was able to see the bright sunshine again and knew if I kept those gray clouds around, I would lose it again. This was one of those times that I was reminded again how important it is to have the right people in your life and to be the right person for them. It is essential that you have another person to help you through your day while you carry your burdens. None of us can do it alone.