1 September 2021 – I don’t know about anyone else, but making decisions is easy for me – as long as they don’t involve anyone else. Otherwise, decisions are not just hard for me but crippling. I hate the idea of making a decision that may affect someone negatively in some way that I can’t control. I hate the idea that a decision I make for myself could adversely affect someone else’s life. It might surprise you how often I put others’ wants and needs ahead of my own. Then again, if you know me, you may not be surprised. The only time I second guess myself is the I think, what if the decision I need to make might be the one decision that changes everything.

If I have a choice of making someone happy or unhappy, I always choose happy. Even if it is not the perfect decision for me. For me, another person’s happiness is almost always preferable to my own. The only time this isn’t true is if someone has proven themselves to be unworthy, which usually only happens if you hurt someone I love, like my children. My goal in life has always been to be the most unhappy person in the room. This doesn’t mean I wanted to be unhappy. It means that I always want others to be so happy that my happiness is overshadowed. Bringing a smile, warmth, pride, contentment, comfort, joy to another is what gives me joy. Although I know that I am not responsible for anyone else’s happiness, if I can do anything to help, I want to, and I will.

We are all faced with decisions every day. Not making a decision is making a decision. Sometimes we need more courage to do that one thing we need to do than we can find. One of the things I have focused on recently is making split-second, gut reaction decisions. I have spent my life pondering, considering, and weighing all of the pros and cons. When I look back at times, I didn’t listen to my heart; those are the times that I wish my decisions had been different. Not every decision I have made recently has been perfect, but I have been happy with them, and they haven’t hurt me or anyone else. I have come to a point in my life that I am afraid not to take a chance because that chance might be the one that makes all the difference.

So, what is my point? Decisions are hard, taking chances is harder, doing what you need to do is sometimes even more difficult because it takes courage. I will always continue to do everything I can to bring joy to others, but my new challenge is to find joy for myself. I need to do the hard things, I need to say the hard things, and I need to be true to myself. Life is shorter than any of us want to think. I have said it many times, and I will say it many more times. Life is short. Find what makes you happy and make it part of your every day. It may be hard. It may even seem impossible but remember that if you aren’t filled with joy, you can’t bring joy to anyone else. Your heart must be filled to share it with others. If your heart is not full, you need to open it up and let it fill. Do not sit and wait for the right time – it never feels right to make the hard decisions; that is why they are hard. But, you don’t want to miss the opportunity to do the thing that might be the one thing that changes everything.

You are only one decision away from an entirely different life. Scary.