13 April 2021 – Recently, I found out that lemons are actually a hybrid between a bitter orange and a citron. They’ve been around for over two thousand years but think about it; they didn’t always exist. Lemons exist because one of two things happened. Either someone created them, or they came to be because somehow two trees cross-pollinated. My point is that life didn’t give us lemons – the world conspired against us and worked really hard to give us lemons.

What else has the world given us that we didn’t really ask for or want? What are the lemons in my life, and can I make lemonade out of them? I am surrounded by things that I don’t want in their current form every day. Some of these things affect only me, some affect many, and some affect all of us. Some of these things can be evils for me but not for other people and vice versa. How things affect us has to do with our own circumstances and how we respond.

I have lots of lemons in my life. Let’s just focus on the personal ones:

• Psoriasis, migraines, neuropathy, fibromyalgia, GERD, IBS – I can’t change these, but I can control them somewhat. I handle them without too much issue because I am stronger than them. I’ve made lemonade.
• Worry – As a daughter and a mother, I will always worry about those I love. It’s the nature of love. But, I control my worry with prayer and faith. I’ve made lemonade.
• Loneliness – When you are used to sharing every moment with someone else or many someones, it’s difficult to be alone. Usually, I do well alone, but loneliness sneaks in sometimes. I am learning to handle it with activity, self-love and lots of prayer. I am making lemonade.
• Disappointment – Other people and various things tend to disappoint me every day. I have learned to control this by not expecting much of other people except disappointment. This way, they can’t let me down – they can only exceed my expectations. My method of handling disappointment is making some very bitter lemonade and leads me to an even bigger lemon.
• Intimacy – I work hard to stay at least at arm’s length from others, whatever it takes. When I feel others getting too close, I back away, however I can. If I don’t let them in, then they can’t hurt me. If I don’t let them in, they won’t really see who I am and be disappointed. This lemonade is so bad that even I don’t want it.
• Deflection – When I don’t handle all of my other lemons very well and get lonely or disappointed or hurt, I deflect those feelings onto myself. I don’t have the ability ever to blame others; instead, I deflect it to myself. I take the blame for my feelings, even in situations where I should not. This lemonade is rotten.

Some of my lemons are rotting a little more every day. I need to learn how to deal with them in a healthier way or excise them. I am self-aware enough to know what my issues are, but I still don’t have enough sugar to sweeten the lemonade.