In August 2019, I started a new job for the first time in eighteen years, and I was excited to use my skills in a new environment. The issue was that it meant that I had to deal with the social aspect of starting a new job as well. As I said, this is not my strong suit. During the first few months, I did my thing and kept to myself. I listened to what went on around me and used all that I was learning to better the job and the workplace. Thanks to the efforts of a couple of coworkers, I even got to know a couple of people and, in turn, have someone to gripe to when needed.

As the months continued, I used everything I had learned through listening to show true care and concern for others. I didn’t necessarily know my coworkers very well, but I became able to read the room and know what situations needed more attention or special attention. What I didn’t realize was that there was something even more amazing happening. There was someone who was a better listener, someone who could see more clearly – someone who listened and saw me.

I have had some great coworkers over the years and a few who have been good friends (KH, HW, TW, RC, HE), but I have never had a coworker who changed my world. Throughout my life, I have been so focused on others that I don’t really pay much attention to myself. This methodology has worked out fine. I had a family who needed me to take care of them, and that was fulfilling. The one thing that has always been missing is the feeling that what I think, what I like, what I want, what I need really matters. I didn’t realize this was missing until I found it.

One of my coworkers, who is now also an incredible friend, saw me. The first sign of this was when one day I was brought Chick-fil-a Minis with a Coke Zero for breakfast. At the time, I was surprised by how it was exactly my favorite breakfast. As the months continued and we had more conversations, I realized that everything I talked about, my family, my favorite things, my needs and wants, were being heard. My friend would listen to make a connection. As our friendship grew, I was able to share my self-doubt, my insecurities, my fears and my heartaches. Each of these things was taken by my friend and replaced with hopes, confidences, respect and regard.

My gratitude for this friend who not only listens but makes a connection, can never be repaid because I don’t have the ability to do that. I have tried, but it never quite turns out. My friend has shown me the type of friendship I have always tried to give but have fallen short of. I have learned that I need to listen even more.