9 May 2021 – Happy Mother’s Day to all moms in my life, especially to those who have directly impacted my life in a motherly role, mother or not.

I want to send extra love to the women who are mothers but may not look like it. Those women who didn’t want children of their own but act as mothers to others’ children. Those women who want or have wanted children and were unable to have them. Those women who carried a child in their wombs but lost it. These women are still mothers. Special women with big hearts and often a big hole in their hearts. Much love to these women, especially today. Extra love to those who have lost their mothers as well, a loss I don’t look forward to.

Special Mothers In My Life:

• Mom – My mom is amazing. She and I have had our ups and downs, but she has always been an incredible source of love. When I was growing up, my mom was involved in everything in my life. She was my Sunday school teacher, my Girl Scout leader and a volunteer at everything at my schools. If I was involved, she was not because she had to but because she wanted to. She made sure everything was not only covered by enough volunteers but that it was the best it could be. More importantly, she knew when not to be involved. She knew when I probably wanted some space or didn’t necessarily want her around. After I left home for college and then marriage, I called at least once a week no matter what, and I would visit whenever I could. I still call her almost every week, and I visit as often as I can. One thing she always does is make sure I know how much she loves me. I love meeting her friends and hearing all the wonderful things she has told them about me. Moreover, I love hearing all the great things people have to say about her. A mother’s love is amazing – even when I am less than wonderful, she loves me with everything she has.
• My sister – My sister had a hard time getting pregnant, and when she became a mom, she became a star mother. From the first moment I saw her with her daughter, I saw such love and adoration in her eyes. Over the last seventeen years, I have never seen a mother show as much pride and intense love for her child.
• My mother-in-law, Carolyn – Carolyn loved me from the moment she met me, and when she found out I would be her daughter-in-law, she was so excited that she started telling everyone she was getting not only a daughter but the best daughter ever. She loved me unconditionally and spoiled me like crazy. She would clean my house for me while I was at work, and she would do yardwork for me, too. We enjoyed gossiping and chatting and doing girl stuff. As the mother of two sons, I was exactly what she needed. When she died in 2004, I lost a good friend.
• My husband’s aunt, LS – LS has always treated me like family, but over the last seventeen years, she has treated me like a daughter. She truly cares about everything about me and wants the best for me. She shows me the love of a mother and a friend.
• My friend, BM – BM is a friend from church. She was originally a friend of my mother-in-law, and we became friends over the years. BM has always looked out for me. She will reach out just to see if I need anything. She has encouraged me in my walk with God by inviting me to Bible studies and other church events. As a widow, she knew part of what I was going through and knew just the right things to say and not say. She offered me motherly love, during a tough time.

When I was in high school and college, I never saw myself as a mother. I had planned to be a social worker and eventually open an orphanage where every child would feel true love and care. After I got a C in my first sociology class, I assumed that I wasn’t cut out for social work and switched to math and computer science. After I got married and then pregnant, I was scared to be a mom. I didn’t know if I could do it. It was not something I had ever thought about or planned for. I was thrilled, but boy, was I scared.

I hated being pregnant, I was always sick, and I gained so much weight. Then, labor sucked. There is no other word for it. We lived on the Upper Peninsula of Michigan, there was one anesthesiologist, and he did not believe in any drugs during childbirth. You read that right. His idea of pain relief was hot showers, back rubs and a rocking chair. So, I had a large, gorgeous birthing room with a rocking chair and a nice bathroom with a shower with a built-in chair for labor. Lucky me. I went to the hospital the Friday morning after Thanksgiving because we thought my water had broke, it hadn’t. They made me stay at the hospital because there was a snow storm coming, and we lived 30 miles away. I was having contractions, but they weren’t awful.

After 12 hours at the hospital, the contractions were horrible, but I was not progressing. Twelve hours later, the doctor decided he would break my water and see if that would help me progress. It didn’t. In those first 24 hours, I walked about 500 laps around the labor and delivery floor, I took 12 hot showers, rocked about a million miles in the rocking chair, and Dave’s arms were ready to fall off from rubbing my back. About six hours later, they decided to give me Pitocin to help my labor progress. It definitely made my contractions more intense. It also increased my pain and irritability and increased my showers and rocking. After being in labor for almost 48 hours, the doctor told me I would need a C-section. I said that as long as the pain stopped, I was fine with it. After Meghan was born, I looked at her and immediately fell asleep. I didn’t wake again for eight hours.

When I held Meghan the first time, everything changed. I was not only a mom, but I was sure I loved my child more than any other mom had ever loved her child. I also told Dave that I would never have another child because it hurt too much. Since I wasn’t working until we moved, I stayed home with Meghan for nine months. I learned quickly that I could be a great mom. After we moved and I went to work, Meghan thrived in daycare. She also played me every day by crying when I dropped her off and not wanting to leave when I picked her up. We were always so busy on the weekends. We took her everywhere we thought she would enjoy – the zoo, the library, the children’s museum, the park, everywhere. I loved every moment I spent with her.

I forgot how much I hated labor because I decided to do it again. My second pregnancy was worse than my first. I was so incredibly tired. I would drop Meghan off at daycare in the morning before work, and after work, I would go home to take a nap before I picked her up. Plus, I took off work almost every Friday afternoon just to sleep. These naps gave me the opportunity to make the most of my time with Meghan. I was sicker, too. Fortunately, I didn’t gain as much weight. Being in your third trimester in the heat of Oklahoma summer was terrible too. As I got close to my due date with Shelby, I had an ultrasound so we could see how big she was. They estimated she was bigger than Meghan, so suggested I have a scheduled C-section the next week. Labor was much easier this time; I went to the hospital at 6:30 am, and Shelby was born at 7:49 am with no pain. What a difference.

All of this to say that I would do it all again. Shelby and Meghan changed my life. I never planned on being a mom, but I am so happy that God made me one. It has been the greatest blessing of my life. The relationship I have with my girls is the most important relationship I have ever had. These girls have been with me during the great times and seen me through my worst times. It is the three of us, the Butler Dawgs, against the world. We have such great times together at the beach, eating at great restaurants, playing with the dogs and just sitting around and laughing. I am so glad this how my life turned out.

The girls and I spent this Mother’s Day weekend chatting and laughing. We went to one of our favorite restaurants, Crackers, for dinner and cocktails. We watched horror movies and then laughed and chatted. This morning they made me a great breakfast, and we laughed and chatted more. I love these moments. These are the times I feel true love.