18 April 2021 – Let’s start with some background information. A pollyanna is defined as “an excessively cheerful or optimistic person.” A 1960 movie called Pollyanna starring Hailey Mills, about a girl who thinks a positive attitude and practicality can fix all difficult problems. When she meets people who challenge her approach, she continues to spread hope and good cheer. She aims to bring sunshine to the lives of everyone she meets.

In high school, people used to call me a pollyanna. People who know me best are probably questioning this. Once upon a time, I was really good about being positive no matter the situation – or was I? The truth is, I was good at pretending. I wanted everyone to be happy, and I would do anything to make this happen. If someone were feeling down, I would say and do all of the right things to improve the situation for them. It didn’t matter how I felt on the inside or how something affected me personally; all I cared about was improving the situation for the other person.

There have been times when I have had my heart broken or everything I cared about in danger, but no one else knew it. I have always found other people’s emotions to be more important than my own. There is never any reason for someone to know or even think that my emotions have been affected. My goal has always been to brighten the world around me by providing positivity and good cheer. This doesn’t mean I’m not cynical, but I try not to let it be to other people’s detriment. If I could make everyone happy by taking away any negativities and leaving behind positivities in their place, I would. So, I do my best to make this happen. No matter the cost to myself. I give my best pollyanna smile and do what I can.

Being a pollyanna has cost me much. It has forced me to have superficial relationships with many people because I can’t afford for them to be more than that. This trait has also caused me to internalize many of my own pains to save others from experiencing them. I have also taken on many of the struggles of my friends, family, coworkers and acquaintances. If a situation arises that someone thinks can’t be fixed or could cause other issues, I reassure them, and then I find a way to remedy the situation or take on the blame or burden myself. If I can lift another, I will, even if I have to pay the price.

I recently realized that my Pollyanna attitude had caused me some major issues. I have taken on so many burdens; I have internalized so many negativities that I have little positivity left. That is not a sustainable way to live. Fortunately, I realized that I was approaching full darkness before it happened. To brighten my own world and the world of those closest to me, I had to change. The only way my true pollyanna spirit could return is if I focused my light. As I make this change, I continue to feel the weight lifted and sunshine on my face. Why did no one ever tell me that other people weren’t my burden?

I can shine a little brighter and spread a little more cheer if I focus my light and my Pollyanna spirit without taking on all of the world’s negativity. I can bring sunshine without standing in the shadows.